Coffee
by Bard Linn
Summary: The first time it happened he hadn’t paid much attention. Of course he had good reason for that. Chapter 1: General version. Chapter 2: RoyxEd version
1. General Coffee

FMA still not mine

This is the G version. People interested in seeing the Roy/Ed version skip to chapter 2.

Coffee

Bard Linn

The first time it happened he hadn't paid much attention.

Of course he had good reason for that. Roy Mustang had, at the time, been frantically probing his sources for what the Fullmetal Alchemist had been doing the last month. When Edward Elric had made the declaration two months previous that 'one of these days I'll surprise you!' the Flame Alchemist hadn't been worried. The teen was extremely predictable after all. At least the out comes of the missions. The methods used to get there were fluid and about as predictable as the wind.

Oh, when it came to the Philosopher's stone Mustang could predict Edward's actions down to the last letter. The blond would go in, blow anything up in his way and generally cause a great deal of trouble. However several times on his assigned missions Edward had managed to surprise his commander. His first mission had astounded Roy. He hadn't expected the twelve year old to buy the mine rights, turn them over to the people and change the entire town's opinion of State Alchemists. That had demonstrated to Mustang that not only did Edward have an understanding of Alchemy on level with a genius, he was also clever, devious and down right creative. Fortunately, Edward didn't use these when dealing with his commander.

When Fullmetal's report arrived by mail, Roy became nervous. When his sources couldn't find the Elric brothers he became slightly panicked. When the two managed to avoid his resources for a whole month Roy decided he'd have to start taking Fullmetal's words seriously. How exactly had they managed to hide? It wasn't like they weren't distinctive. A short blond boy dressed in black and red trailed by a tall metal armor.

When the pair at last returned Roy hadn't even mentioned the incident. He had a reputation for being all knowing after all and it wouldn't do to damage it. Instead he continued to dig. So far all he'd found was a probable location. Palis was the only major city in the region so most likely they had ended up there. However the town wasn't know for anything to do with Alchemy though it was know for its food.

However after a week straight even Roy started to get suspicious. He started at the mug in his hand. "Exactly where did this come from?"

Lieutenant Hawkeye looked slightly confused. "No one knows sir. But you've been drinking it all week."

"Not a present from a girlfriend?" Havoc joked around his unlit cigarette. Mustang shook his head. None of the girls he saw were long time after all and none could afford rich coffee like this. "Well I'm not going to complain. Maybe you've got a secret admirer or something." This wasn't the first time unexpected gifts had shown up at the office after all. Usually for that very reason.

Office coffee was well known to taste terrible. The one time Edward had tried it he had pronounced it unfit for human consumption. He had in fact carried off a pot to see if it worked as a weapon. (Unfortunately it didn't though Gluttony did eat the pot.) It was something of a running joke around headquarters that Mustang's command carried a curse since on one there could make decent coffee.

So the recent appearance of the delicious smelling brew had endeared its sender to the entire staff. Not only was it good, but each day had a slightly different flavor. Monday had cinnamon, Tuesday had almond. When the gift abruptly stopped the office sighed and went back to their normal bland drink.

Then several small carafes had appeared, one for each member of Mustang's personal staff carefully labeled. Inside lay each member's favorite of the earlier week's options. Mustang's continued to change as he had yet to find a preference. On Mondays a large pot with a new flavor appeared along with the individual flasks.

Now Roy was getting slightly suspicious. _Someone_ was getting information out of this office. Okay, so it was only which flavor his subordinates had preferred or when they would and wouldn't be there. Still it was down right worrying since it meant he couldn't find the leak. He carefully contacted Hughes through his usual sources. The next day, two coffee cups sat next to a slightly larger carafe on his desk waiting for the Flame Alchemist and the intelligence officer. The next day the coffee stopped again.

For over a six month period the pattern continued. The coffee would appear then vanish abruptly. There was no set schedule Roy could discover. He'd taken to writing down the dates it reappeared and vanished. The mystery was undeniably distracting. The Flame Alchemist absentmindedly wrote sown the latest 'coffee sighting.' Two days after Fullmetal had returned.

The Colonel froze. There was _no way_ that could be it. **_Fullmetal_** making **_coffee_**? The teen was completely absorbed in his search! He quickly flipped back through the calendar cross checking the dates. None of the coffee incidents had occurred while the brothers were away thought the exact time between their return and the coffee's varied. 'Getting devious Fullmetal?'

He turned this attention to the carafe. After a bit of twisting and turning he discovered the hidden array engraved under a decorative panel. The flame alchemist recognized it immediately as one that would help conserve heat. Smirking he turned to his notes.

**C is for Coffee, that's good enough for me. C is for Coffee, that's good enough for …**

Edward Elric hummed softly to himself as he finished the last of his morning's work. This would be the last batch for a while as the brothers had just gotten wind of a new clue. Running into Josephine during his last mission had been very profitable. Not only did the young chief feed him after they rescued her but she'd also taught Ed the secrets that made her café so profitable. It'd taken a month for him to learn all of the combinations but it had been well worth it. The entire staff seemed happier with the coffee. Not that he could blame them. The other stuff was probably ripping holes in their stomachs. 'Next time I want information out of the Colonel I'll just threaten to stop making coffee. That'll be more effective than challenging on the parade ground.'

He caught the sound of the door opening behind him. Considering headquarters didn't even open officially for another hour there was only one person that could be. Mustang had finally figured it out. "Hello Colonel. You're a bit early for yours. If you'll wait a moment." Hands flashed quickly adding ingredients to the last of the carafes.

"This was a storage shed."

Ed nodded in agreement. "It was." Hawkeye had figured out exactly what had been going on two days into the campaign. She had found the shed and allowed Ed to set up shop here. The blonde had also acted as his informant, reporting the office reactions. Ed screwed on the last lid. "There. Mind taking these up? Al and I are leaving in a bit. Found a new clue near Mount Fuji. Oh and drop that one by Hughes' office." The blond grabbed his coat and walked out the door. He turned and grinned. "Told you I'd surprise you one of these days."

Roy stared at the carafes in his hands. Fullmetal had been bribing Hughes? First things first, strangle his friend and find out exactly how long he had known. Then come up with some humiliating mission for Fullmetal.

I don't know who started the coffee thing in FMA but whoever did I give you my utmost respect. This was inspired by Starbucks and all of those places with different creamers, spices ect. that you can put in your drinks. Okay I obviously need to get a life…


	2. RoyxEd Coffee

FMA still not mine

This is the PG13 version. People interested in seeing the non yaoi version go back to chapter 1.

Coffee

Bard Linn

The first time it happened he hadn't paid much attention.

Of course he had good reason for that. Roy Mustang had, at the time, been frantically probing his sources for what the Fullmetal Alchemist had been doing the last month. When Edward Elric had made the declaration two months previous that 'one of these days I'll surprise you!' the Flame Alchemist hadn't been worried. The teen was extremely predictable after all. At least the out comes of the missions. The methods used to get there were fluid and about as predictable as the wind.

Oh, when it came to the Philosopher's stone Mustang could predict Edward's actions down to the last letter. The blond would go in, blow anything up in his way and generally cause a great deal of trouble. However several times on his assigned missions Edward had managed to surprise his commander. His first mission had astounded Roy. He hadn't expected the twelve year old to buy the mine rights, turn them over to the people and change the entire town's opinion of State Alchemists. That had demonstrated to Mustang that not only did Edward have an understanding of Alchemy on level with a genius, he was also clever, devious and down right creative. Fortunately, Edward didn't use these when dealing with his commander.

When Fullmetal's report arrived by mail, Roy became nervous. When his sources couldn't find the Elric brothers he became slightly panicked. When the two managed to avoid his resources for a whole month Roy decided he'd have to start taking Fullmetal's words seriously. How exactly had they managed to hide? It wasn't like they weren't distinctive. A short blond boy dressed in black and red trailed by a tall metal armor.

When the pair at last returned Roy hadn't even mentioned the incident. He had a reputation for being all knowing after all and it wouldn't do to damage it. Instead he continued to dig. So far all he'd found was a probable location. Palis was the only major city in the region so most likely they had ended up there. However the town wasn't know for anything to do with Alchemy though it was know for its food.

However after a week straight even Roy started to get suspicious. He started at the mug in his hand. "Exactly where did this come from?"

Lieutenant Hawkeye looked slightly confused. "No one knows sir. But you've been drinking it all week."

"Not a present from a girlfriend?" Havoc joked around his unlit cigarette. Mustang shook his head. None of the girls he saw were long time after all and none could afford rich coffee like this. "Well I'm not going to complain. Maybe you've got a secret admirer or something." This wasn't the first time unexpected gifts had shown up at the office after all. Usually for that very reason.

Office coffee was well known to taste terrible. The one time Edward had tried it he had pronounced it unfit for human consumption. He had in fact carried off a pot to see if it worked as a weapon. (Unfortunately it didn't though Gluttony did eat the pot.) It was something of a running joke around headquarters that Mustang's command carried a curse since on one there could make decent coffee.

So the recent appearance of the delicious smelling brew had endeared its sender to the entire staff. Not only was it good, but each day had a slightly different flavor. Monday had cinnamon, Tuesday had almond. When the gift abruptly stopped the office sighed and went back to their normal bland drink.

Then several small carafes had appeared, one for each member of Mustang's personal staff carefully labeled. Inside lay each member's favorite of the earlier week's options. Mustang's continued to change as he had yet to find a preference. On Mondays a large pot with a new flavor appeared along with the individual flasks.

Now Roy was getting slightly suspicious. _Someone_ was getting information out of this office. Okay, so it was only which flavor his subordinates had preferred or when they would and wouldn't be there. Still it was down right worrying since it meant he couldn't find the leak. He carefully contacted Hughes through his usual sources. The next day, two coffee cups sat next to a slightly larger carafe on his desk waiting for the Flame Alchemist and the intelligence officer. The next day the coffee stopped again.

For over a six month period the pattern continued. The coffee would appear then vanish abruptly. There was no set schedule Roy could discover. He'd taken to writing down the dates it reappeared and vanished. The mystery was undeniably distracting. The Flame Alchemist absentmindedly wrote sown the latest 'coffee sighting.' Two days after Fullmetal had returned.

The Colonel froze. There was _no way_ that could be it. **_Fullmetal_** making **_coffee_**? The teen was completely absorbed in his search! He quickly flipped back through the calendar cross checking the dates. None of the coffee incidents had occurred while the brothers were away thought the exact time between their return and the coffee's varied. 'Getting devious Fullmetal?'

He turned this attention to the carafe. After a bit of twisting and turning he discovered the hidden array engraved under a decorative panel. The flame alchemist recognized it immediately as one that would help conserve heat. Smirking he turned to his notes.

**C is for Coffee, that's good enough for me. C is for Coffee, that's good enough for …**

Edward Elric hummed softly to himself as he finished the last of his morning's work. This would be the last batch for a while as the brothers had just gotten wind of a new clue. Running into Josephine during his last mission had been very profitable. Not only did the young chief feed him after they rescued her but she'd also taught Ed the secrets that made her café so profitable.

Of course learning the trade had been more than a little embarrassing. Josephine ran a primarily gay bar and had required Ed to disguise himself as a female. At first he wanted to refuse but the amount of offers he had received his first trip in had been far worse. The trip had taught him quite a bit more than just coffee making. He'd never even thought about his own attractiveness before and sex was just a vague concept.

In the end all of the time and embarrassment had been well worth it. The entire staff seemed happier with the coffee. Not that he could blame them. The other stuff was probably ripping holes in their stomachs. 'Next time I want information out of the Colonel I'll just threaten to stop making coffee. That'll be more effective than challenging on the parade ground.'

He caught the sound of the door opening behind him. Considering headquarters didn't even open officially for another hour there was only one person that could be. Mustang had finally figured it out. "Hello Colonel. You're a bit early for yours. If you'll wait a moment." Hands flashed quickly adding ingredients to the last of the carafes.

"This was a storage shed."

Ed nodded in agreement. "It was." Hawkeye had figured out exactly what had been going on two days into the campaign. She had found the shed and allowed Ed to set up shop here. The blonde had also acted as his informant, reporting the office reactions. Ed screwed on the last lid and picked up his own cup. He turned to face his commanding officer. "So have you finally made up your mind? Do you have any idea how many different combinations I've gone through trying to find something you'll like and stick with?"

"I like to experiment," Roy smirked.

Edward's grin turned predatory. "Oh really?" He strode over to his commanding officer after placing his mug down.

The next thing Roy knew Ed was kissing him. His mind barely recognized this fact as his mouth was filled with the delightful taste of raspberry coffee. His memory took the time to remind him that Palis was also known for its large gay population before Fullmetal let go.

Ed grinned wickedly at him. He snagged the tray behind him and placed it in his superior officer's hands. "Mind taking these up? Al and I are leaving in a bit. Found a new clue near Mount Fuji. Oh and drop that one by Hughes' office." The blond grabbed his coat and walked out the door. He turned and grinned. "Told you I'd surprise you one of these days."

Roy stared at the carafes in his hands. Fullmetal had been bribing Hughes? First things first, strangle his friend and find out exactly how long he had known. Then question Hawkeye who probably also knew. The Flame Alchemist absentmindedly licked his lips. Maybe when Edward came back he wouldn't mind a bit more experimentation.

I don't know who started the coffee thing in FMA but whoever did I give you my utmost respect. This was inspired by Starbucks and all of those places with different creamers, spices ect. that you can put in your drinks. Okay I obviously need to get a life…


End file.
